world of my own

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood,
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

*loves *

the colour orange
the sky and the water (:

Monday, December 31, 2007

Its the last day of the year 2007, the end of the year. But for me, it seems as if the year 2007 ended after nationals, after A levels, after graduation night.

In the last 2 years, three things occupied my mind. Canoeing, Guides and studies. Canoeing, the team, always the biggest priority, a second chance, for the team... whatever the reason is I threw my heart into it. I cannot say that I believed all the time, I cannot say that I wasn't without fear, I couldn't say that I was always optimistic. But strangely, I seem to know that I'm past that now. Past my own shortcomings and I believe the next time, it'll be different. I know what it is like to believe wholeheartedly, I know what it is like to be without fear, I know how I'll be able to turn pessimism to optimism.

Just like 2 years ago, the results made me wept. Yiwen used to talk about the icing and the cake. The results are the icing, the cake is the process. How well she had drilled it into us. And I know, I do know, but all the same, it takes time to accept that. A part of me is still trying to figure out why we didn't get the icing. Someday I'll know.

Canoeing opened me to new activites, new things that I never thought I'll be able to do. 1000 push ups in one day, pull ups, racing, even the marathon, an indirect result of canoeing. and best of all, canoeing gave me a team. not just a team but a wonderful team. It is, the best experience I could take away.

Guides shouldn't come laden with guilt, but it does. Guilty for not having the time to assist them. Guilty because I was trusted with them and in many ways I've failed to deliver. And also alot of questions. A lot alot of questions. How best to help them, how best to assist them. Alot of groping around in the dark trying to find the answers and recalling from memory the lessons u've taught us... see if it could be applied. But Guides has always been a warm and vibrant place, and there were times when it was very uplifting. It was my honour to have seen them through so many years.

Studies were never a great priority till this year. As long as I didn't do badly my mum wouldn't bother me. The standards I set for myself were simple and I didn't wish for more. The first part of last year, I strugged with the A level curriculum. Used to the free and easy way of IP, I found the A level syllabus suffocating. Everything was centered around the A level, there was little room for experiment, exploration, creativity.

A year later I was used to it. A year later, I watched coach carter. A year later I clung onto the idea of a student athelete. I think we all struggled through lectures and tutorials, battling sleep demons. We all experienced the dread when we faced the mountains of tutorials and worksheets. Studying and training together was tough but the experience is something I'll never forget. Together in classrooms, in canteen, the long hours. the frustrations, the sleep... I chionged prelims and got surprisingly good results. A levels was less intense in comparison except for the 4 papers in 2 days. I've put away my books for more than a month now. But in truth we've stopped learning since August. I miss it. I miss the intellectual stimulation.

When canoeing stopped in July, I had elections to settle. To meet the new kids and say goodbye to the ones leaving. Then was Prelims and chioging desperately for exams. But it was this time that I truly had time to think and reflect. In the past one year half I had neglected my family and friends. So absorbed I was I didn't take notice of what was happening around me. My brother grew up, my sis became more like my younger sis... my mum, my dad... my classmates, my ex-schoolmates...

And so I made a vow. If there comes something else that I throw my heart into, I would always keep time and energy for other happenings around me. Thats probably one big takeaway from this year.

Thought more about what I wanted to do after a levels. things like courses, unis, work, money... also what to do for the environment, what to do for society.

In the past 2 years, I think I grew up abit more. Now, I'm becoming to think more like an adult, less like a kid. How sad...

I'll see how 2008 goes. It'll be hectic, maybe even exciting, but definitely interesting. Let's hope I find something to do before i get restless. (:

Last of all, thank you to everyone whom I've interacted with in the past few years. No matter what impact you've made, (good or bad), its a valuable experience for me and I do treasure it. Thank you to those who've helped me along the way, stood with me and supported me. Teachers, family, friends.

May the year 2008 bring blessings and be fruitful for all.

.........................................

Its time to leave this blog. All the hopes and dreams, and all the sadness... I've cleared whatever i wanted to clear. well, most of it. Its about leaving, about closing a chapter of your life and knowing you're moving on. Its about safekeeping your memories behind and locking them in. I say goodbye with a peaceful heart. (:

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joo spoke
@ |11:54 AM|